Subscribe RSS FeedFrom the New York Times opinion page, Charles E. Blow writes:
“…When I first heard about hooking up years ago, I figured that it was a fad that would soon fizzle. I was wrong. It seems to be becoming the norm.
I should point out that just because more young people seem to be hooking up instead of dating doesn’t mean that they’re having more sex (they’ve been having less, according to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention) or having sex with strangers (they’re more likely to hook up with a friend, according to a 2006 paper in the Journal of Adolescent Research).
To help me understand this phenomenon, I called Kathleen Bogle, a professor at La Salle University in Philadelphia who has studied hooking up among college students and is the author of the 2008 book, “Hooking Up: Sex, Dating and Relationships on Campus.”
It turns out that everything is the opposite of what I remember. Under the old model, you dated a few times and, if you really liked the person, you might consider having sex. Under the new model, you hook up a few times and, if you really like the person, you might consider going on a date.
I asked her to explain the pros and cons of this strange culture. According to her, the pros are that hooking up emphasizes group friendships over the one-pair model of dating, and, therefore, removes the negative stigma from those who can’t get a date. As she put it, “It used to be that if you couldn’t get a date, you were a loser.” Now, she said, you just hang out with your friends and hope that something happens.
The cons center on the issues of gender inequity. Girls get tired of hooking up because they want it to lead to a relationship (the guys don’t), and, as they get older, they start to realize that it’s not a good way to find a spouse. Also, there’s an increased likelihood of sexual assaults because hooking up is often fueled by alcohol…”
A commenter from Ontario, Canada responds:
“You slid past the point about group friendships. Kids don’t date because they go out in groups. Instead of pairing off, they bond with a community. They still get to know each other deeply; they spend time together, they talk, they connect. They just don’t do it one-on-one.
Part of the change is that it’s now taken for granted that boys and girls can be friends without being boyfriends and girlfriends. In the bad old dating days, you only really got to know a single person of the opposite sex. Now, you get to know everyone in your group. If and when a hook-up happens between members of a group, the participants may well know each other better than many dating couples did. A date, after all, is explicitly a sexual audition; that can narrow down the experience much more than just hanging out with friends and talking platonically about anything. Group-oriented kids are getting to know each other in a non-sexual context first. If sex comes along later, that’s hardly surprising given the state of teen hormones…but don’t jump to the conclusion that they’re absolute strangers before hooking up. Of course that happens, but it’s hardly the norm.”
Then, a New York local adds:
“Some comments have characterized hooking-up as an attack on feminism. As a young feminist myself, I see it quite the opposite. One of the key factors contributing to the rise of a hook-up culture has to be the rise of womens’ sexual agency and a broader understanding of sexuality in general. Both of those social changes are attributable to the feminist movement. Hook-ups are not about women being forced to hyper-sexualize themselves for the benefit of men, but about women having the agency to engage in sexual activity without social reprise or stigma.”
I can’t tell if the original piece polarizes the youth/young adult generation too much by saying the only way to date is to do it the traditional way.
